Traveling tips for those who wear Ostomy Bags

Traveling is generally a challenge if you wear an ostomy bag, or at least it is for me. It's so threatening worrying about whether you'll have an accident in the car, or in someone else's bed if you spend the night.

I've learned a few things that help, since I began wearing a bag six years ago. You might find these tips helpful as well.

On any trip that you take more than an hour from home. Carry the following in a freezer zip lock bag: A precut wafer and bag, (don't worry if your bag doesn't match your shoes. ;) Disposable wipes, and either a baby underlay or a dogie training pad. A clean pair of underwear, or none if you don't like them.:) You may also want a change of clothes, or if you recognize the signs right away don't worry about it.

By the way don't let these little incidents dominate your life. Into every life a little poo must be released. *#it happens, you know that! If anyone is rude and tries to see what you're doing in a public bathroom, do what I've done more than once. Ask them what they're looking at, and then show them the moon. I guarantee they'll go on, or really have something to talk about.

Once you're in a stall, inspect the situation. Chance are if you smell poo, it probably is, or you're leaking somewhere. Spread the pad on the floor beneath you. Careful remove any clothes that need to come off jeans, panties and socks can all be hung up on the door. (cover the crack if you can for privacy.)

Get at least 4 of those wipes ready. DO NOT PUT THESE IN THE TOILET. They'll plug it up. No doubt, what you smelt was real, and ready for a change. Put the clean wafer and bag either between your teeth, or on the toilet paper rack, but only if the bathroom is really, really clean. Remember that bag and wafer are going to be on your skin, and can expose you to lots of disease as they touch anything nasty.

Ignore, Sister Mary Elephant next to you, who's probably carrying on to the high heavens. She probably makes a bigger splash and stink than you do by far. Imagine her grunting, and killing every live thing around her as she goes.

Sure enough it's a doozy, I thought so. It's okay. Just peal it back. The freezer bag should be empty now. Roll the zipper part back so it stays open. Put the nasty wafer in the bag. Use those wipes to get all the poop off yourself. After you're cleaned up it's time to put Humpty Dumpty back together again. Wipe the whole area off with dry toilet paper. (If you're prone to bleeding, or irritated skin around the stoma, carry stoma powder in your purse or zip lock bag. Put a light coating of powder on, if you need it. Raw sore skin only gets worse if you don't take care of it. Don't be discouraged, I've been there it'll get better.)

Put the new wafer and bag back on. Aren't you glad you precut that Mammy Jammy? It saves so much time. Every nasty item, including the pad whether it's soiled or not, needs to go in that freezer bag. Zip lock it shut, and take it to a can that gets dumped often. Scrub your hands and fingernails extremely well, with lots of soap.

If you're staying over night all the same preparations need to be made, plus you need to watch your diet. Don't eat things that might cause an explosion, like beans, or too much corn. Popcorn Farts can blow a Velcro bag wide open as well. Make sure you can jump in the shower and change the sheets if you need to. Most people I've stayed with have been extremely gracious and kind. If they love you enough to let you stay, they will understand if you have an accident. But honestly, I've never messed up any ones bed, except my own when I ate too much of what I love, or I'm on drugs from a surgery.

Hope this information helps you or a loved one. God Bless you and happy trails to you til we meet again. :)

The Squeaky, Stinky Cure for Crohn's

I ran track my freshmen, sophomore and junior years in high school. My nick name was Choo-choo. I started out like a slow locomotive, as I heated up I picked up amazing speed. What most people didn't know was that I ran faster to get away from my own gas. Yes, they lingered. That song Wilson Philips used to sing, "Did you have to let it linger," still cracks me up. :)

Yesterday a lady from the Corhn's & Colitis chapter in Atlanta called me. She wanted me to gather a group and participate in a walk for the cure of Corhn's and Colitis. I often think about things I need to do when I lay down at night. Some of my most creative thoughts begin or end just before, or as I sleep. As I lay there thinking about that conversation I must have fell asleep.

I have to share the dream I had with you. :) I dreamed I was on this track with my friends I had gathered for this C&C Walk. Our group was known as the "Fart Fuzzes." (My Dad still calls me his Little Fart Fuzzy. Squeeze me tight and you're almost always guaranteed a fart.)Any way we were chugging around the track passing other walkers, smiling and saying hello as we passed each other. Every group had their nick names tagged to the back of their shirts. There were all kinds of humorous names, The Squeakers, The Trumpeters, We Blow Hard were just a few of their group names.

As the walk went on there was the constant sight and sounds of all kinds of gas being released. Pretty soon their was a huge green cloud, of gas hovering over the spectators stands. Whew Wee it was nasty, some would even say toxic.

All of a sudden in the crowd President Obama jumps up and shouts, "Eureka! That's the solution to all our fuel needs. We need to harness fart power!" We all stooped. We began looking at each other, wow. Soon all those walkers became so excited, the bathrooms were at full capacity.

Fart power was harnessed, and they finally found several solutions and a few cures, from the excess money made from all our gas. Are your dreams that creative? What do you dream?

It's no sin to have a little gas now and then!

The doctor gags as he said, "Yes Mr. Tanner, that was very loud! But I'd like to listen to your heart."
" Oh sure doctor, I thought you wanted to hear me Fart."

We've all had it now and then-just a little gas trying to make it's way to the air. Try as we may it's worst to hold it in. So we fidget and squirm, until at last there it goes. Was it a trumpet sounding off? Or worse yet a silent, but deadly who leaves the thick green cloud. Lucky for me I've developed what's known as "blow by." There is no smell until I enter the stall. I unroll the neck of my bag and release a smell that you'd swear came from the abyss. Guaranteed to end all curtain calls.

Just remember this: If you dare to hold it in you'll suffer the worst consequence . It may travel up your spine, a gas bubble as big as a dime. If it hits your brain, well that's where crappy ideas come from.