The Lake Lanier Memo I'd like to write:

To: Residents living and drinking water from Lake Lanier

From:Kathlene Fisher

Subject: Help maintain the water levels in Lake Lanier

Date: 7/26/09

It has been brought to our attention that the governors of both ALA. and FL. are demanding several thousand gallons of drinking water be sent down the Chattahoochee River daily to maintain the luxury life styles of play in a man made recreational area in ALA. and the harvesting of muscles in FLA. It is also obvious to water consumers and residents around Lake Lanier that the Forefathers of Lake Lanier, failed to provide a clause covering residents and water recipients in the event of drastically low Lake Lanier levels. Therefore, I propose the following to help maintain our lake levels for drinking and playing, since Lake Lanier is in our own back yard not ALA or FLA.

First, we all know "creamy crack" seems to be a horrible problem if you play,work or exercises when the temp. in GA goes above 85 degrees. I propose you go head work, play and exercise until your hearts content. Find out when the dam will be releasing down stream in your county; record that time a week in advance if possible. Find out how long it would take you to get above stream 15 minutes prior to that scheduled release. After you know all the facts and times let your hinnie get as Briny as possible, jump in an old vehicle, (preferably one with leather seats you can clean up,) and soak in Lake Lanier 15 minutes prior to the scheduled release. By the way it would be great if you could drink at least 16 oz. of your favorite beverage while you're soaking.

Second, as the warning for the dam sounds, run way down stream, and relieve all that pressure from your last 16 oz. drink. If you see any of those water wasters from ALA or FLA. make sure you smile as you tell them, "We sure love providing water for your muscles and entertainment!"

If they demand water from our only water source, well alrighty then, we will provide it. I guess you know where we rank on the list of priorities: Number one goes to ALA for their Resort Water fun, Number two belongs to the mighty muscles in FLA. (After all where would we be if there were no clams in FLA.?) And last but not least, ranking third on the charts are the residents and water consumers around Lake Lanier in GA. With that in mind, "Do you think the water will oxidize before it gets to FLA and ALA? " ;)

What's a little gas in Class?

I love Bannana and peanut butter sandwiches, especially with an icy cold Coke Zero, add a little fruity yogurt and I'm one happy fat camper. That's basically my favorite thing to eat especially before math class. But you guessed it, it gives me the tuity, fruity, farts.



Ironically, the math instructor demands everyone sets at the front of the class. Heaven forbid if you get there late. Of course our class, always fill in the middle of the room first, so if you're late you may end up in the front and center row, right behind "Mr. Ponytail," as many of my classmates call him.



(Actually, he's a really nice guy. We all just wish he would roll out of bed and shower before noon. Something, he has yet to do prior to class. The class starts at 12:45, but he strolls in somewhere between one and one-fifteen.Usually his hair is a mess, his shirt maybe half in or half out, depending on how you look a it. He is obviously, just waking up-after sleeping in his attire. Some find it funny, others just find it disgusting. But, I think we've all come to think of him like a little brother who can teach us "the dreaded math" that we just want to pass.)



Anyway...because I stayed outside chattering too long, I arrived after the class had filled up way beyond the middle; to my dread, I ended right smack in the middle front row. My stomach began churning, then the little trumpet farts began, right behind them came the gushing of chunky peanut butter mixed with gassy coke hitting the ostomy bag. Two of my girlfriends started giggling. They tried to keep it down, but then I started laughing and all the bodily noises grew worse.



The teacher whipped around. We all tried to stop laughing, but couldn't. "What in the hell is so funny?" He asked as he glared at the three of us.



Stephanie points at me and blurts out,"Well Tooty Fruity here, ate another one of those Peanut Butter and Banana Sandwiches and drank a Coke. She has gas so bad, that, she's making all kinds of funny sounds."



The class just roared with laughter. The teachers face turned three shades of red as he said,"Oh." After we all calmed back down, the teacher continued writing on the board and talking, but seemed to stop and smirk as I gurgled and growled and spurted through math class.



A few days latter, there were really strange sounds coming from the class next door. The teacher turned around, "Kathy, is that you?"



Giggling I said, "Well if it is, I'm in a lot of trouble." The whole class roared with laughter again. Math can be fun, with just a little humour! :D