Aging Gracefully

Let's face it we have to have a sense of humor to get older or accept the fact we may grow grouchy and cold. A woman's body can easily change with each passing year. The last day of May I turned fifty-four and by golly this year has brought lots of changes. Let me just share a few of the drastic ones.

If you even think about food it seems to go straight from your mind to your belly or your chest.  Poor Mark truly married a sailor's dream- the girl with the sunken chest. Oh yes, I barely filled out a 32AA. Be careful what you wish for! As Grandma Mason said, "One day you'll blossom like popping popcorn! You'll have so much up there you'll wish they would go away."  Grandma was right! Just like she said I have blossomed like a huge bowl of popcorn.

My belly-well goodness, there's just not much hope for that pouching problem. I'd ask God to push it up but Lord have mercy I may end up bobbing up and down like a drinking duck just trying to stay up right.

Along with that there's always the facial crinkles and wrinkles. Thankfully they're mostly laugh lines and not Groucho or pouty marks. Have you ever met anyone that looks in the mirror and says, "Oh wow, isn't that the cutest crows feet you ever seen?"  Like all my friends I work at trying to hide the signs of aging.  After researching the "best cover ups," I reloaded my make up bag which now has grown into a small suit case.

So this afternoon after a shower I get out my Mega Bag of Tricks. Buckarooed there I stand in front of the mirror. First, I sharpen my eyebrow pencil and create a nice "mirage of eyebrows." Next I pull out the mega 4 shades of concealer. Oh Shit-the sharpener just fell down the drain!

I pull all my goodies out from under the sink as the Plumbing Momma kicks into gear. I need a bucket to put underneath the "U" pipe to catch any water that might be in the trap. Thinking like a true plumber I never thought twice about running through the house in the buff at 3:30 in the afternoon. Just as I round the kitchen island I hear the squealing stop of the UPS truck. Oh Shit, shit, shit.

Too late there's the UPS lady with my package that I thought would never come tucked under her arm. Naturally, she's right in full view of the naked lady with an ostomy bag. (Let me tell you...that could give any sane person bad dreams.) Startled I jump straight up yelled, "Oh No!" Bless her heart- she jumped too. She turned right around and didn't even leave my new dress. 

After I finally got the bucket outta the utility room I went back to remove the pipe from under the sink, still in the buff. After fully unhooking the pipe, I remove the sharpener from the pipe and begin to put the pipes back together. Keep in mind I've carefully put all the "stuff" on the floor close to where I'm working never anticipating problems getting the pipes back together.

But of course, the pipes don't go back together as easily as they came apart. So I'm wiggling around trying my hardest to get the dang thing back together. What cold can should get knocked over and roll next to my bottom? Why a hairspray can of "Big and Sexy" of course. That was good for a laugh so me in my warped mind imagine this can with a French accent something like, "Hey Baby, having trouble with those pipes? Would you like me to give it a try?"

Alas, I finally did get the pipes back together and I finally made it out the door and down the road to look  For Sale by Owners. Heid and Butter Bean called while I'm on the road. I'm trying to watch my language better than I did as a mom. But of course I am still just a sinner saved by grace.

Something happened and of course my by words as my mother calls them came out again. The next thing I heard was ha-ha, ha-ha "Well Chit." Goodness gracious now I've passed that phrase down to the 3rd generation.

I am so thankful for God's Grace. I need it Every Day!